Why I don't want to go to heaven...

Ask a child about his description of hell and heaven.Hell would be "baaaaddd" and heaven would be "goooddddd" . We grow up building on these basic definitions adding more clarity as to what would heaven/hell be like.

I came back home after three long months.Should I really call them long? ( I have been living away from my home since I was 17.So this 'long' word should technically not have come to my mind.Strange.) I was happy as fuck.It was the week just before Diwali. Then Maushi asked Aai "So Mayuri is not staying for Diwali is it?". My mom replies overwhelmingly "My daughter's stay is equivalent to Diwli for us. That moment was 'heavenly'.That altered my definition once again.

 

It was my dad's birthday the next day.Like a child he was telling at night "Oh it's third november, I should sleep, it's my birthday."I knew he was not excited for his birthday.He was excited because I was with him on his birthday.To see my father happy...that moment..again....'heaven' redefined.

 

The fridge was full with sweets, fruits, etc.Mother had planned what all she would prepare for next few days of my stay.I woke up at 8 o'clock in the morning.Still in sleep, rubbing my eyes like a baby I said "Happy birthday baba" with a grin.He was in a hurry to go for a bath, he looked at me and laughed."Thank you" he replied. 'Heaven' redefined.

 

My best friend get to know that I am in the town.She abuses me on facebook chat.And I prepone the meeting with her.Another close friend of us joins.

 

Now this girl , she is really really close to me. I mean "REALLY"  close :P :P :P. So when she comes, we enter my room and close the door, leaving this third guy out.Snd he breaks in to the room , all excited to see what both of us were doing, excited in all bad senses.And we all fall down on the floor laughing insanely. 'Heaven' redefined.(PS : We all are straight)

 

We sit and talk all shit things about our good old school days.Go out for a walk, then 'pani-puri'. That picture does remind me of the song "Chadhi mujhe yarai teri aisi, jaise daru desi". Cocktail movie as such would be a bad analogy because Saif Ali Khan is really handsome. But it's fine.I am not being judgemental here.I am so engrossed in the chitchat that I forget my kulfi is melting.'Heaven' redefined.

 

So when I say I don't want to go to heaven it is because what I feel heavenly if I keep feeling it forever I'll 'die' of happiness again in heaven.Let it come in bursts, after efforts.Let me earnevery single drop of it.That feeling of heaven which sinks down your throat when you sit beside a fountain with two of your school friends or the feeling when you talk with your grandfather across a restaurant table about his teenage....It's priceless...It's heavenly........

Photographs

One might think that there is nothing special about a Sunday spent at home, when you are absolutely jobless; with no electricity; when it is raining outside and you are sitting in the balcony and having 'nothing' to think about.One might call it a boring day.I call it 'a-not-so-ambitious-and-problem -free-happy- day'.


On one of such Sundays, when I am sitting in the balcony, Aai (my mom) comes out with a stack of photo albums to pass some time.I grab all of them in a flash of a second like if I were a second late , all of them would have disappeared magically.
I love photographs, especially mine( like any normal girl of my age). The best thing about photographs is that they are self explanatory . Unlike an article (like this one for example) where I have to read through words and make an effort to understand what the writer wants to say, photographs themselves talk. they answer your questions before you ask any.Every shade of colour tells you something.


As I was browsing through these pictures, I recalled a number of things which i had forgotten completely.To tell you first,I do not have a good memory.I am not the person who remembers every detail of a funny incident which happened in 5th standard or some one who can recall every student of 10th class along with his/her roll number. I forget things easily.That's my nature.Moving on from one phase of life to other is not very difficult for me.I adjust easily.I can be happy easily. That does not mean  I am not emotional.I do love love people and miss my old neighbours and school friends Just that I convert the sad part of "I'll miss you so much and I cannot live without you"  into a happy part like "Hey friend, we will meet again, I don't know when, but I assure you we'll be the same".

All these thoughts were going through my mind when I came across an extremely hilarious picture of me. Standing in front of the mic, I was dressed like a proper Indian bride just to sing a two liner opening prayer in my kinder garden social gathering function.


I asked Aai "So this is how you made fun of me in my childhood when I did not understand things ?"


Her rejoinder  "You looked so much better then, at least you wore earrings"


I observed that my elder brother was clicked a lot more than me in our respective childhoods. Chetan (My elder brother ) with a gun, Chetan with a tiger, Chetan dancing with a girl etc. The last one was shocking. Because I was the dancer girl at home. Aai commented " Actually that dance was choreographed by your Aatya ( her sister-in-law) so there was no question whether Chetan wanted to dance or not.Chetan had danced unwillingly, which was clearly visible in the picture.


I had only  2 or 3 pictures for me. One was of my first Birthday cake which was a big Mickey Mouse decorated with colourful gems toffees.And another one was me on my first birthday wearing a red frock and extremely unhappy about it. Again this frock was bought by Aatya so no question of wearing anything else.


Then came photos from our various holiday trips. Aai loves cold climate. So Baba (my Dad) usually took all of us to some hill station trip in our summer school vacation. Those were the best days I have spent with my family. The simplicity, tenderness, love and the lack of any kind of problem is so clearly visible in those pictures. Aai looks beautiful in every single photograph. We loved horse riding , no doubt we have lot of pictures with each one of us sitting on a horse and posing so innocently. Then there are pictures of Aai-Baba sitting in the snow, Chetan playing with the snow, I posing like a Super model.Aai and I were clicked together a number of times. The best one of them is where Aai and me are sitting in the corner of the valley road and a lush green mountain making a back drop for the picture.


The best of the best picture was the one of Aai-Baba where Baba smiled whole heartedly.He is  usually a serious person to be with. I kept starring at that photo and said in my mind 'Be like this forever. I love you both.'




In a matter of week or two, I won't be having time to stop, sit and stare.I'll be going to a new place, with lot of friends, lot of work, so many parties, celebrations every weekend. I will be having a great life, A life I love,  A life I have always dreamt of. But nothing would be  as simple and innocent as my family and those photographs.


With this last thought, I gather back all those photos and keep them back in the farthest corner of my closet and tell them


  "Hey memories, We will meet again, I don't know when, But I assure you we will be the same"